How to Chop Onions Without Crying

Using a knife, cut a cone out of the bottom of the onion (where the roots come out). The diameter of this cone should be about a third of the diameter of the onion, and about 1/3 deep. Take this piece and throw it away (don't put it down the disposal!). This piece contains the part/gland that makes you cry when you're chopping it up. Once you've gotten that piece out, chop off the top, peel, and slice the onion.

You know your cone is too small if it doesn't work, because you've cut into that teargas grenade.